I never wanted to be writing a blog as a reaction to the world. That’s what I did on Facebook and Twitter years ago. I left those platforms and that reactionary mentality behind. Or so I thought.
When I express myself I want it to be from within me. Not as a shield, or defense against a world of illusion. I want to be truthful and authentic. I don’t want to take on and repeat the truths of others. I only want to find my own truth and considerately express that.
I wasted a bunch of time last night on someone else’s drama. I got emotionally involved with something that now seems like was information presented in bad faith. Or maybe just something completely unrelated and turned into something it was never intended to be.
Whatever the truth of that is doesn’t matter to me. I have enough challenges of my own already.
I was very late to bed and I didn’t look after myself properly. It’s essential that I care deeply and make time for my own needs. So I can show up for my actual real life.
Getting into that drama at bedtime was me not looking after myself. Even just picking up my phone at that time was a seriously bad idea.
If I had not done that, the whole thing would have started, ended and disappeared whilst I was sleeping.
The world is extremely intense and it’s so easy to lose myself in it. When I am trying to find myself.
I can do better.