xprt
I’m unpacking things I made, and trinkets I bought in my childhood. This is incredible! Wow.
They’ve been in storage for basically decades at this point, and have remained in unopened boxes through several home moves I think.
Some of them are wrapped in newspaper from 1988!!!!
Today I’m grateful for community support. For beginning to feel like I fit in somewhere. For having help with travel. For friendly faces. For affordable food made by people who care. For Scrabble and a coffee. For a space to make art. For people who listen. For the chance to show someone I care.
I’m really enjoying journaling recently. I find it’s helping me create a personal and private space for me to share – with myself.
I have a couple of nice LAMY Safari fountain pens filled with black Atramentis Document ink. It’s a really nice combination to write, or draw with.
My next journal is going to be a Midori. I’m trying something a bit different from my usual Moleskine.
I love the feeling of writing by hand with these tools. It helps me feel grounded through the writing.
I still like to hand-write on my iPad, and I’m not going to stop, but there’s nothing quite like creating, building, and adding to a tangible, physical object, book, or notepad.
The pond is a peaceful place https://cdn.uploads.micro.blog/132229/2024/20240724-pond-reflections-abney.mp4
Morning coffee in the park, soaking in the sun.
It’s been a tough, emotional, overwhelming day.
I was gonna self-soothe with some unhealthy takeout food tonight but I decided to make a better choice for my body.
I feel a little bit better about making this small positive step forwards, even when I feel self-destructive.
Isn’t ironic, don’t you think?
Trying to publish some art on my art journal after a long time of feeling unable to share my creative works. And I hit a bug on my Micro.blog account preventing me from posting. 🤷♀️
I think probably too much of my life is performative and masking. Trying to fit in and meet expectations. Trying to be someone I’m not. Trying to do things I can’t. People pleasing but feeling unworthy of receiving. It’s very tiring.
I keep trying to fix myself. Maybe I’m not supposed to be ‘fixed’.
Brain is fried. It’s been a week of crappy paperwork and speaking on phone, which I find really difficult and overwhelming most of the time.
Even speaking with an org that is there to help left me deep in energy defecit.
I just want to play and create. I hardly do either these days.
Sad face.
Music group was good. I practiced some cords on guitar. I’m still a complete noob but someone was saying I play beautifully 🤷♀️. I am a naturally dexterous person so I feel it’s something I could learn.
I feel this kinda deep ache inside me to play guitar and keyboard.
I have numb fingertips now.
It’s always a treat to sit here under the trees, by the pond, and in the rain. 📷📹 It’s very peaceful (because everyone else goes home)
It’s been a while since I last tended to my Micro.blog sites. I have a few broken links and other things I want to fix. But also, I’m kinda content with the messiness.
I’m still getting an arty journal going (journal.aeryn.art), I set it up a while back and then immediately abandoned it.
Today was very busy-
- blood test
- walk in park
- FaceTime with Mum
- coffee with a friend
- building Ikea furniture with my son
- sorting out my new storage
- King of the Hill
- writing this
Also really loving my new AirPods that I got for my birthday. I was sceptical but they’re way better than I expected.
Proton Drive is poop. I’m fed up of the constant friction and sync weirdness. iCloud Drive is 1000% better and mostly reliable.
This has been a moan.
Currently on repeat. One of my all time favourite songs. It has this transcendent mix of melancholy and joy. Fix You by Coldplay, from X&Y. 🎵
Another really nice thing happened today. I was brave enough and feeling ok to make it to my support centre for the first time in a couple of months. I was aiming for the art group. I bumped into a friend there and we sat in the art room and chatted for a couple of hours to catch up with things.
My family has been going through quite a tough time over recent months and for various reasons related to that I’ve hardly seen my youngest during that time. But tonight he came round for pizza and an X-Men film. It’s so nice to be with him again. He’s hilarious and cheeky. Love him so much.