Today I’m grateful for community support. For beginning to feel like I fit in somewhere. For having help with travel. For friendly faces. For affordable food made by people who care. For Scrabble and a coffee. For a space to make art. For people who listen. For the chance to show someone I care.

I’m really enjoying journaling recently. I find it’s helping me create a personal and private space for me to share – with myself.

I have a couple of nice LAMY Safari fountain pens filled with black Atramentis Document ink. It’s a really nice combination to write, or draw with.

My next journal is going to be a Midori. I’m trying something a bit different from my usual Moleskine.

I love the feeling of writing by hand with these tools. It helps me feel grounded through the writing.

I still like to hand-write on my iPad, and I’m not going to stop, but there’s nothing quite like creating, building, and adding to a tangible, physical object, book, or notepad.

The pond is a peaceful place https://cdn.uploads.micro.blog/132229/2024/20240724-pond-reflections-abney.mp4

Morning coffee in the park, soaking in the sun.

It’s been a tough, emotional, overwhelming day.

I was gonna self-soothe with some unhealthy takeout food tonight but I decided to make a better choice for my body.

I feel a little bit better about making this small positive step forwards, even when I feel self-destructive.

Isn’t ironic, don’t you think?

Trying to publish some art on my art journal after a long time of feeling unable to share my creative works. And I hit a bug on my Micro.blog account preventing me from posting. 🤷‍♀️

Air conditioning 10/10

I think probably too much of my life is performative and masking. Trying to fit in and meet expectations. Trying to be someone I’m not. Trying to do things I can’t. People pleasing but feeling unworthy of receiving. It’s very tiring.

I keep trying to fix myself. Maybe I’m not supposed to be ‘fixed’.

Brain is fried. It’s been a week of crappy paperwork and speaking on phone, which I find really difficult and overwhelming most of the time.

Even speaking with an org that is there to help left me deep in energy defecit.

I just want to play and create. I hardly do either these days.

Sad face.

Music group was good. I practiced some cords on guitar. I’m still a complete noob but someone was saying I play beautifully 🤷‍♀️. I am a naturally dexterous person so I feel it’s something I could learn.

I feel this kinda deep ache inside me to play guitar and keyboard.

I have numb fingertips now.

It’s always a treat to sit here under the trees, by the pond, and in the rain. 📷📹 It’s very peaceful (because everyone else goes home)

It’s been a while since I last tended to my Micro.blog sites. I have a few broken links and other things I want to fix. But also, I’m kinda content with the messiness.

I’m still getting an arty journal going (journal.aeryn.art), I set it up a while back and then immediately abandoned it.

I got myself signed up today to a community taxi service. Hopefully I’ll be a bit more mobile soon.

Social interactions are hard 😢

Today was very busy-

  • blood test
  • walk in park
  • FaceTime with Mum
  • coffee with a friend
  • building Ikea furniture with my son
  • sorting out my new storage
  • King of the Hill
  • writing this

Also really loving my new AirPods that I got for my birthday. I was sceptical but they’re way better than I expected.

Proton Drive is poop. I’m fed up of the constant friction and sync weirdness. iCloud Drive is 1000% better and mostly reliable.

This has been a moan.

Prophecy is a guess that comes true. When it doesn’t, it’s a metaphor.

– Vir Cotto (Babylon 5) 📺

My soundtrack to becoming a parent. ~2000s

X&Y by Coldplay (2005) 🎵

Screenshot of Fix You by Coldplay playing on my phone

Currently on repeat. One of my all time favourite songs. It has this transcendent mix of melancholy and joy. Fix You by Coldplay, from X&Y. 🎵

Another really nice thing happened today. I was brave enough and feeling ok to make it to my support centre for the first time in a couple of months. I was aiming for the art group. I bumped into a friend there and we sat in the art room and chatted for a couple of hours to catch up with things.

My family has been going through quite a tough time over recent months and for various reasons related to that I’ve hardly seen my youngest during that time. But tonight he came round for pizza and an X-Men film. It’s so nice to be with him again. He’s hilarious and cheeky. Love him so much.

I just finished watching Manifest. 📺

Wow!

I might have cried quite a few times during the series.

Fun fact. While watching the show, I experienced two very blatant synchronicities / coincidences that blew my mind when they happened. Like seriously intense and undeniable.

One was during season 1 and the other during 2. I was waiting to see if I would get more but I didn’t.

Still, such a strange experience considering the themes of the show. The second one happened during a scene featuring a tarot card.

Anyway. Great show. Poor in places. But far greater than the sum of its parts.

And a lot of very pretty actors 😮‍💨

A pond surrounded by lush green foliage and trees. A cloudy sky above.

A few moments by the pond before I go for coffee 📷