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But also. I’m just trying my best to keep improving my nutritional intake, exercise, fresh air, meditation, and creativity. And being in community. I want to get away from forceful ideas of fixing myself. And learn to look after myself better whilst managing my situation with kindness and self compassion. As best I can.
I’ve been so unkind to myself over the years and followed stupid advice and the kind of spiritual bullshit that hurts people.
I’m not done with the antidepressants, just my GP wanted me to go on a new one and then get advice from my psychiatrist about side effects. I decided to wait for psychiatrist before I start a new one. I don’t want to be left hanging with something I can’t cope with.
I’m easing myself off pain killers. After easing myself off the antidepressants that gave me a ~6 weeks+ long headache. I’m starting to feel a bit clearer again and had a deep-feeling emotional outburst while out for a walk yesterday, for no apparent reason. It felt good to get that out.
Sometimes it’s enough to able to say
“It might not be good, it might not be bad, but I created something. And thank god I didn’t fuck it up”
✏️
I wrote that poem-ish post entirely in my phone browser. I started last week, but then PAPERWORK 👻 took over my life. So I pulled up the draft and added bits, tidied bits, a photo from my iCloud library, and published before I could get overly self-critical, and fuck it up. Pika 👍
A love letter to: Autumn, you are welcome
When you come, places begin to become islands again after the summer, with the rising tide of colder weather.
Last couple of days have been intense with unexpected paperwork. I was still completing a form yesterday from last week and thankfully I got it submitted and done. Today has been a lot of catching up. I’m pooped out and my brain is fried. I need some fresh air and some quality creative time!
I finished my cup warmer in Textiles group yesterday, It will hopefully sell at the open day to help raise a little money for the support centre. 🧶
I’ve been having a fairly good few days but now I’m beginning to feel properly burnt out. Spoons management is hard.
Noooo! Sea of Stars left PS Plus. I just sat down for some cozy gaming and was denied 🎮. I think I was getting near the end.
Perfection: A nice steaming hot bowl of pea and ham soup for lunch. The heating on. Music playing. Outside is a cool autumn day.
I was the only person in art group today and I had the room to myself for a couple of hours. Nice! 🎨
The lyric was a song I like playing on the radio. 🎵
The hand was fun and I feel like I might want to continue with it. I like the spooky vibes. 🎃
I’ve been filling a form online. For hours. My brain is fkd. It’s really hard work. I’m neurodiverse and paperwork takes a lot out of me. (And it’s a form relating to my mental health disabilities!)
I’ll have to finish it tomorrow 😞
I have a lot of deliveries coming today. So it’s a day of staying in; rest and recouperation; slowly and gently getting things done; a bit of paperwork 😔.
First some Fortnite 😎🎮
This album is so beautiful. It’s earthy and transcendent; chill and rhythmic; tribal and ecstatic. All at the same time. I think this is already my favourite Jon Hopkins album. Just amazing and blissful!!! 🎵🎧
Blog post (my first on Pika): Good enough for me — I want to get a bit more focused and less distracted by the shiny toys and freedom to completely mess up a thing I don’t understand ✏️