I recently bought a printer. And it works.

That is all.

Some recent posts on my side-blog Being Me

Being Me is my personal side-blog about mental health; healing; spirituality; woo-woo; self-realisation and all that good stuff. I don’t normally share these posts to social feeds, but I like to share my experiences through writing and vlogging.

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I had a great time in art group today. Just me and one other person had the whole room to ourselves.

I’m slowly getting into the groove of feeling free to make marks with no expectations. Just to play with materials and express however I want is a wonderful thing.

I slept for 3 hours when I got home

I’m enjoying the cozy late afternoon vibes..

  • raining outside
  • cooler temperatures
  • woolly jumper
  • watching a Cecilia Blomdahl YouTube video
  • a hot pint mug of earl grey and honey
  • a chocolate nut bar
  • all obligations met for today
  • a simple evening ahead

I’ve been finding life very challenging recently. I keep saying this, even though I’m tired of speaking it. Because it keeps ramping up. I think it’s best to acknowledge that and be honest – to admit I’m having a tough time.

I think so many of us are. But not many like to talk about it.

coot family

After seven years without psych meds I’ve gone back onto antidepressants this week. It’s too early to say if they’re actually helping or not. But I definitely feel like it’s a positive step forward for me despite feeling very conflicted about taking them again.

a zero sum game?

I’ve been experiencing a bit of a mental/emotional breakdown over the last few days. It’s been rough. And I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection. Not deliberately, but it think it’s just part of it.

Parallel to this I finally came to the decision that I would go back onto antidepressants after seven years being off them. Day one has been very groggy so far.

I also realised I am spending far too much time and energy consuming the opinions and views of others, whilst partially abandoning my own truth and my self.

I really want to talk about this stuff a lot more. It’s super important. And maybe I will.

In the meantime I will be withdrawing somewhat from the current social media paradigm (again). Even from the wholesomeness of the Micro.blog timeline.

I don’t know what this will look like for me. But I need to address the balance of consuming and creating. And I fear that social media – no matter how wholesome – is an absolute dead weight in that equation. For me at least. As if trying to find balance is a futile exercise. A kind of zero sum game where the entire Internet always wins just because I took part in it.

What I love about the internet doesn’t have much to do with social media at all. I really enjoy reading blogs about people’s lives: their struggles and triumphs; their art; moments in their day; all that stuff. I enjoy interacting with them in my RSS feeds or email subscriptions. I love to reply and chat, or just offer empathy, a word of support about whatever it is.

Anyway.

I’m going to continue to post my work to these three blogs that I have (below). But I’m not sure how much of it I will share to social timelines (Micro.blog and Bluesky) any longer. Or how active I will be generally.

Maybe this is just a little break and I will ease myself back in later.

Thanks for reading,
Aeryn

My blogs-

  • aeryn.me - mostly short form posts; thoughts; snaps and clips from my day
  • Art Journal
  • Being Me - longer posts, blogs, podcasts about mental health; healing; spirituality; woo woo

RSS feeds and email newsletters can be found on those sites.

Over, and out.

Tired of the anti-everything world ⚠️

This is about being trans. I don’t want to discuss the contents of this post. Please refrain from commenting. I’m just having a rant and I’m ok.

⚠️

I’m tired of understanding that people don’t understand.

I’m tired of not understanding why people can’t just be kind.

I’m tired of the violence against trans people. Whether it’s through micro-aggressions, ridicule, or murder.

I’m tired of trans people responding violently, whether that’s verbal, or through making ridiculous claims and demands.

Tired of people thinking they can speak on my behalf. Tired of people assuming they know what I need, or think.

Tired of people not understanding that the loudest voices are actually the minority.

Tired of the (social) (mainstream) media stoking the flames. Tired of people falling for it. Every. Time.

I’m tired of the pain experienced by trans people, and those around them, or opposing them.

I’m tired that the anti-trans discourse is 90% about trans women.

Tired of the agenda. Tired of the anti-agenda.

Tired of the mind-fuck, suppression, oppression, gaslighting, bullshit, backwards society we have finally devolved into.

Tired of being done with it.

This is not about being trans. It’s about everything.

🕊️

Anyone wants to talk, please message me privately. Peace.

I wish I had this kind of energy

A summer scene by wide angle of a clearing surrounded by trees, with the tree canopy, moon, and blue sky overhead.

Delaying Starbucks to sit, breathe, and take in this beautiful place. The air is sweet and humming with vibrancy.

I feel so lucky that this park is less than five minutes from my home. Over the years it has become my sanctuary. 📷

A summer scene of trees and green foliage reflected on the surface of a pond with blue sky above and yellow flowers in the foreground.

Nice morning! 📷

I’m unpacking things I made, and trinkets I bought in my childhood. This is incredible! Wow.

They’ve been in storage for basically decades at this point, and have remained in unopened boxes through several home moves I think.

Some of them are wrapped in newspaper from 1988!!!!

Today is home building day

Today I’m grateful for community support. For beginning to feel like I fit in somewhere. For having help with travel. For friendly faces. For affordable food made by people who care. For Scrabble and a coffee. For a space to make art. For people who listen. For the chance to show someone I care.

I’m really enjoying journaling recently. I find it’s helping me create a personal and private space for me to share – with myself.

I have a couple of nice LAMY Safari fountain pens filled with black Atramentis Document ink. It’s a really nice combination to write, or draw with.

My next journal is going to be a Midori. I’m trying something a bit different from my usual Moleskine.

I love the feeling of writing by hand with these tools. It helps me feel grounded through the writing.

I still like to hand-write on my iPad, and I’m not going to stop, but there’s nothing quite like creating, building, and adding to a tangible, physical object, book, or notepad.

The pond is a peaceful place https://cdn.uploads.micro.blog/132229/2024/20240724-pond-reflections-abney.mp4

Morning coffee in the park, soaking in the sun.

It’s been a tough, emotional, overwhelming day.

I was gonna self-soothe with some unhealthy takeout food tonight but I decided to make a better choice for my body.

I feel a little bit better about making this small positive step forwards, even when I feel self-destructive.

Isn’t ironic, don’t you think?

Trying to publish some art on my art journal after a long time of feeling unable to share my creative works. And I hit a bug on my Micro.blog account preventing me from posting. 🤷‍♀️

Air conditioning 10/10

I think probably too much of my life is performative and masking. Trying to fit in and meet expectations. Trying to be someone I’m not. Trying to do things I can’t. People pleasing but feeling unworthy of receiving. It’s very tiring.

I keep trying to fix myself. Maybe I’m not supposed to be ‘fixed’.

Brain is fried. It’s been a week of crappy paperwork and speaking on phone, which I find really difficult and overwhelming most of the time.

Even speaking with an org that is there to help left me deep in energy defecit.

I just want to play and create. I hardly do either these days.

Sad face.